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PostPosted: Mon Nov 25, 2013 2:49 pm
by carlos
BANTA in school ....

Madam, maine
“ABC ” yaad karli...

Madam :
Ok , toh sunao..

Banta :

Madam :
Arey aise nahin ….
Aise sunao
A for Apple..
Banta :
Ok ma'am….

A for Apple.?

B for Bada Apple.?

C for Chhota Apple.?

D for Dusra Apple.?

E for Ek aur Apple.?

F for Fokat ka Apple.?

G for Gol Gol Apple.?

H for Hazaar Apple.?

I for Itney saare Apple??

J for Jaao nahin khaane hai Apple.?

K for Kaise nahin khaayengey Apple.??

L for Lena padhega tumko Apple.?

M for Mujhe nahin chahiye itne Apple.?

N for Naa nahin kehtey kyunki yeh hai Apple.?

O for Oye teri ki, tumne khaa daale yeh saare Apple.?

P for Pett bhar khaao Apple.?

Q for Qismat mein nahin hoti hai sabke, yeh Apple.?

R for Roz khaao tum Apple.?

S for Sehetmand rahoge khaaogey agar tum Apple.?

T for Tumko nahin milenge itney achey Apple.?

U for Udhaar kii nahin hai yeh Apple.?

V for Very tasty hain yeh Apple.?

W for Waste na karo time aur khaalo jaldi se Apple.?

X for X’mas mein bhi khana padenge Apple.?

Y for Yun naa chehra phero dekh ke yeh Apple.?

Z for Zara sa aur khaalo Apple.....?

Madam Behosh.....

Re: HEALTHY JOKES .... hahahahahaha...

PostPosted: Sat Jan 25, 2014 2:55 pm
by carlos
Ek admi ne apne Padosi ko sms kiya...

Dear Sir ,

Aapko jara sa bhi andaza nhi hai lekin aapko ye jaan kar hairaani jaroor hogi aur gussa bhi aayega ... ki aapki knowledge mei aane diye bagair , I've been using ur WIFE ..

I used it double than u ordinarily use it......

I used it day and night ....!

I really felt that my requirement for it was more than yours but it is not morally Okkey for me....

And I must confess when I was wrong morally as well as legally....

But I am sure that you will excuse me for my such naughty act...

As otherwise also u were equally keeping it unused...

Logically there's nothing wrong if I grabbed the opportunity but it is against social values and moral values...

All expenses on your pocket and I am enjoying it for free..

If you agree , (only if u agree ) from now onwards I am ready to bear 50% expenses or money spent on ur WIFE.

or with no other option I will get my own..

I could have continued like this for ever without letting u know anything but hope u'll appreciate my honesty and won't take any action against me..

I m also feeling very guilty .!!!

Neighbour just shot his wife and he was going to house of person sending sms ....

He received another sms....
Sorry AUTO CORRECT app. On my phone made it WIFE...

Actually it was about ur Wi Fi connection .
Regards. ..


PostPosted: Mon Jul 10, 2017 10:25 pm
by carlos
Difference between talent and god’s gift:

A man can give lecture for 2 hrs on any subject.
-This is talent.
A wife can give lecture for 2 hrs without any subject.
-This is god’s gift


PostPosted: Mon Jul 10, 2017 10:32 pm
by carlos
One day a Professor was talking about marriage in the class...

Professor : What kind of Wife would you like Johnny?
Johnny : I would want a wife like the moon...

Professor : Wow !! what a choice....So you want her to be Cool & Calm like the moon?
Johnny : No, no...

Professor : oh so u want her to be Round and white?
Johny: No, no...

Professor : Oh, so u want her to be Fair and Beautiful like d moon?
Johny: No, no...

I want her to be Exactly like MOON ....... Just Arrive at Night and Disappear in the Morning
Professor fainted


PostPosted: Mon Jul 10, 2017 10:32 pm
by carlos

My dad told me that if Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would be still in Paradise.


"Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the apple!!"


PostPosted: Tue Jan 30, 2018 11:27 pm
by carlos
A farmer’s wife was terribly jealous.

Evening after evening she subjected her husband to a searching inspection.

When she would find even a single hair on his coat there would be a terrible scene.

One night she found nothing, so she screamed now it’s a bald-headed woman.


The father of five children

The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle.

He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.

Who is the most obedient? he asked

Who never talks back to mother?

Who does everything she says?

Five small voices answered in unison

Okay dad you get the toy .


A man was brought to Mercy Hospital and taken in for coronary surgery

The operation went well and as the groggy man regained consciousness.

He was reassured by a Sister of Mercy who was waiting by his bed.

Mr Smith you re going to be just fine said the nun gently patting his hand.

We do need to know however how you intend to pay for your stay here.

Are you covered by insurance?

No I m not the man whispered hoarsely.

Can you pay in cash? persisted the nun.

I m afraid I cannot Sister.

Well do you have any close relatives? the nun asked.

Just my sister in Mexico he volunteered.

But she is a humble spinster nun.

Oh I must correct you Mr Smith, Nuns are not spinsters.

They are married to God.

Wonderful said Mr Smith,

In that case

please send the bill to my brother-in-law .


PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2018 8:40 pm
by carlos
In New York, two beggars were sitting side by side, one with "OM" sign and the other with "CROSS" sign.

People passing that area were giving dirty looks to the beggar carrying the OM sign but giving a dollar to the one carrying the CROSS sign.

This was going on, when a father of a church was passing by and noticed this. He came to beggar who was carrying the OM sign and told him that you are in a country, where people follow Christianity.

You being a Hindu, will hardly get any alms.

Just to make you feel jealous and frustrated, people are giving dollars to your counterpart.

After the Father left, the beggar carrying the OM sign said the following in Gujarati to his counterpart:-

"Jignesh Bhai"?

"Yes Mansukh Bhai"

Now, this Father is trying to teach us how to do business.


PostPosted: Sat Jun 22, 2019 8:54 pm
by carlos

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started....


My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 100 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a weighing scale.

And then the fight started.....


When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.

So I took her to a petrol pump

And then the fight started....


My wife was standing & looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, 'I feel horrible. I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to give me a compliment."

I replied, "Your eyesight is perfect.."

And then the fight started....


I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

"Somewhere I've not been in a long time."

So I took her to my parents' house.

And then the fight started....

Dedicated to all married couples.


PostPosted: Fri Jul 10, 2020 10:24 pm
by carlos
Three highly decorated police officers die in a wild shoot out with narcotics dealers and go to heaven.

God greets them and asks, "When you are laid out in your casket, and your fellow officers and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?

The first cop says, "I would like to hear them say, that I was the bravest cop on the force."

The second police officer says, "I would like to hear that I was a terrific cop who died in the line of duty."

The last cop replies, "I would like to hear them say ... Look, He's Moving!"


PostPosted: Fri Jul 10, 2020 10:25 pm
by carlos
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.

At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray, "Take only one. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

One child whispered to another, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."


PostPosted: Fri Jul 10, 2020 10:26 pm
by carlos
A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton.

The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill, as this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00, and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord. It said: Dear Lord, Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, DC and as usual, those jerks deducted $95.


PostPosted: Thu Jul 16, 2020 7:15 pm
by carlos
Wife: Where are you?
Husband : At home love.
Wife: Are you sure?
Husband: Yes.
Wife : Turn on the mixer.
Husband : (turns mixer on) GaRrrreeereeeereeee...
Wife: Ok my love goodbye.

Another day......
Suspicious Wife: Where are you?
Husband : At home love. Wife: Are you sure?
Husband : Yes.
Wife: Turn on the mixer.
Husband: (turns mixer on) gaRrreeereeeereeee...
Wife: Ok my love goodbye.

The next day, the wife decides to go home without notice, and finds her son alone and she asks him, "Son, where is your father?"

Son: "I don't know, he went out with the mixer...


PostPosted: Mon Sep 14, 2020 9:48 pm
by carlos
A family was consuming Vitamin C, B, Zinc, drinking Kadha etc to enhance their immunity.

Their neighbour, who was aware of this, after some weeks, asked them about any improvement.

They replied: Earlier, when we quarrelled, we used to get tired in an hour.

Now we can go on for 5-6 hours


PostPosted: Wed Oct 28, 2020 11:27 pm
by carlos
A 15 year old son said "Dad, I have a doubt"

Dad : What's it, son?

Son: I learnt that Shri Ram attained Godly status by listening to his father in Tretha yug.

Dad: That's true, son.

Son: But then Prahlad became great by not listening to his father in Satyayug.

Dad: That is also true.

Son: So, dad, kindly enlighten me. Should I listen to you or not?

Dad: My dear son, we are living in Kaliyug. It's good for both of us to listen to your mother


PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2021 6:00 pm
by carlos

I am an Indian ... and these my following virtues make me more so.

When the shampoo bottle seems to be over, I pour some water in it, shake it, and use it for another bath.

That for me a toothpaste isn't over until I've entirely flattened it out and started rolling it up from the back.

That I buy broccoli and avocados for 300 Rupees, but still ask for some dhaniya patta for free.

That I don't just recycle gifts, I recycle the gift-wrapping paper too.

Our home has fine bone china crockery which is used only when guests visit.

That I worry about price of gold without any reason of buying it!

That I will beat the crap out of my remote to make it work but not change the battery

I get so disappointed if the pani puri guy doesn't give a free sukha puri in the end when I ask for one.

That I won't have my breakfast and starve myself if I have been invited for a lunch buffet.

That when my T-shirt gets old, I use it as night wear, when it gets older, I play holi in it & then I use it as a pochha.

That I ask for extra oregano and chili flakes from the Dominos guy, so that I can use them later in Maggi.